EXCERPT FROM REDEEMED; FROM EARTH'S GRAVEL TO GOD'S GLORY
An excerpt from Chapter Six
Despite Ramone's doctors promising that we would immediately be sent to Maryland for his treatment after the wedding, it was 4 weeks later and we heard nothing. I kept calling Ramone's doctor making inquiries, but his secretary kept telling me that she could only take a message and the doctor would call me back. Sadly he never did and Ramone's health quickly began to decline as a result of him being off his regular doses of chemotherapy. You see Ramone abstaining from his regular treatment for a month was apart of the protocol to try the experimental cancer treatment in Maryland. So now in addition to being off his chemo a month per Maryland's request, due to his doctors' negligence had now been off two.
One afternoon, Ramone was lying on the floor very lethargic and wasn’t acting like himself. When I touched his hands I noticed his fingernails were blue. Instantly I grabbed the cordless phone and I called my mom screaming and crying asking her what I should do. My mind panicked and I immediately thought the worse. So all I could hear myself screaming into the phone to her was “He’s dying, he’s dying” and I couldn’t calm myself down. She told me to call his doctor and they told me to call an ambulance and get him to the hospital. When the ambulance arrived, Ramone refused their assistance and they said they couldn’t take him against his will. His older sister was also over our house that day and was like eight months pregnant. She began screaming and crying at him to go and eventually he agreed. His body was so frail and weak from such a remarkably quick weight loss that we had to literally carry him outside and load him into the car.
When we arrived at the emergency room, Ramone started having terrible nose bleeds. This was unusual for him and what’s more we couldn’t get it to stop bleeding. Finally the doctor on call at the emergency room compacted it with gauze pads somehow and got the bleeding to stop. Moments later Ramone called me over to his bed and said softly in my ear “Baby this cancer is getting the best of me. It’s winning and I’m tired”. I immediately stepped back from the bed and started rejecting his words. I put my hands on his shoulders and stared forcefully into his eyes and told him that he had to fight this because I needed him. “Please don’t you give up on me, you can beat this”, my voice cracked as I choked back tears. He just looked back at me restless and nodded his head, confirming it was time.
I suddenly ran into the bathroom and locked the door to the stall and I felt my body shaking hard before bursting into loud tears. I tried to make myself pray but I was too overwhelmed with emotion. I just cried and held myself around the shoulders as I took in the picture of his face and the words he spoke to me. “No, No, No”, I shouted loudly completely ignoring the women using the restroom. Ramone had said all types of things out of frustration about being ill in the past…but this was different. I knew he was trying to tell me it was time but I didn’t want to hear it. Him leave me? No, I just couldn’t even imagine it.
Finally Ramone’s head doctor came in the room with the rest of his team. He told us that the tumors Ramone had previously, had now returned and they saw many new ones on the scans as well. “I thought you guys were going to send him to Maryland for the treatment “, I snapped. “We’ve been waiting for weeks to go and get the treatment and you never called us”, I went on. “Brandy, Ramone is very sick, the treatment wouldn’t have done him any good”, he said softly. “So why would you have him get off his treatment if you felt it would never help!” I exclaimed. “Brandy I know you are very upset and its evident you are in denial. Ramone is just very sick and it’s out of our hands now. We are going to discharge him to hospice and send him to the palliative care floor”, the doctor said. “We trusted you”, I sobbed loudly as I began jumping up and down trying to quench the anxiety that was about to make me lose control. All in one I felt nauseous, dizzy, and weak as I tried to ingest the word hospice. “All this time you allowed him to be off his medicine knowing the cancer could spread…you gave us hope and you never even planned…you weren’t going to even send him”. My sentences became run-on as I struggled to make sense of it all. “Now you just discharge us like you are not responsible. You ARE responsible, you should be ashamed, ALL OF YOU! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU ALL”, I shouted at them repeatedly as they held their heads down and quietly exited the room.
Locations to purchase my first book
REDEEMED; FROM EARTH'S GRAVEL
TO GOD'S GLORY
This book can purchased by the following methods:
(a) here online by going to the Webstore page
(b) Online at http://www.amazon.com/
(c)by contacting me directly *for local residents* at spreadinghisgospel@gmail.com
or at the following stores listed below
Mac Backs Paperbacks
1820 Coventry Road, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118
216.321.BOOK
Choice Harvest Worship Center Bookstore
P.O. Box 211881
Chula Vista, CA 91921
United States
619-334-3987 or 619-781-9786
